I Tore Something Important in my Knee
These are my truths as I have to accept them right now:
I tore something important in my knee.
I won’t be racing Alpenrose.
I might not be racing for a while.
I’ll definitely be getting surgery either in the next few weeks or at the end of the season.
It happened quietly in the middle of last Sunday’s race at Barlow. I slipped out a little in some slick mud. Didn’t even come off the bike all the way. Just a little bobble.
I was aware that something bad had happened inside my knee, but I could still ride and (gingerly) run, so I kept pedaling and finished the race. Later, a series of tiny pain explosions in my knee kept me up almost all night. I hobbled to the bathroom in the dark and groped desperately for pain meds. That’s sort of when I started to realize that this might involve more than a few days off the bike for healing.
All initial examinations indicate it’s the meniscus in my right knee. MRI next will give us more complete information. After that, if I can rehab enough to race relatively well, I have the option of racing out the season and getting surgery afterward. If I can’t race well I won’t do it and, so far, I have a lot of pain with walking and any quick movements. Running and jumping over uneven ground don’t seem even remotely possible, but I’m staying open to all possibilities.
I’ve been quiet about this all week for two reasons: 1) I have more questions than answers until the MRI and that’s very frustrating for me 2) talking about it makes it more real and, well, more depressing.
This happens to everyone – I know because the people that I’ve talked to about it all have some kind of story to share – but I gave myself a week to be super fucking bummed out about it. Just because it’s common doesn’t mean it doesn’t blow huge chunks.
I know that I’ll heal fast.
I know there are far worse things.
I know that there’s all kinds of rad stuff I can do instead of racing cross.
But I need a little time to get used to the change in my season.
Thanks for your patience while I search for my rally cap.